300+ Astonishing Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

300+ Astonishing Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

If you are looking for some of the best roasts right now with the help of which you can roast your friends, then you have come to the right place. We have selected a list of roasts that are perfect for you, whether your ex comes into your life or toxic people. You will find here one of the roasts for all people. But the thing is, what is the actual meaning of roast?

A roast is a form of insult comedy in which the speaker insults or ridicules another person. The term is often used to refer to a “gathering for the purpose of entertainment,” such as a large party or gathering where guests provide humorous speeches and jokes. The word “roast” derives from the Old French word roster, meaning “to roast“. The phrase “to give someone a roast” means to verbally abuse them with jokes and insults.


Here are the 300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More


Best Roasts for Enemies-

300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

The best roasts are those that are carefully crafted and can be delivered with a smile. In this section, we will share some of the best roasts for enemies. These come from some of the most popular roastmasters in the world and will make you laugh out loud.

1. Somewhere, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. I think you owe it an apology.
2. You are about as important as the white crayon.
3. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
4. You are the human version of period cramps.
5. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
6. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
7. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
8. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
9. I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
10.  I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.
11. Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
12. I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
13.  You look so pretty. Not at all gross, today.
14. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?
15. That sounds like your problem.
16. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
17. I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
18. Someday you’ll go far. And I really hope you stay there.
19. Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
20. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah, that is now.
21. You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
22. I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
23. Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.
24. I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.
25. You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
26. Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me those.
27. It’s impossible to underestimate you.
28. Wow, your maker really didn’t waste time giving you a personality, huh?
29. Her teeth were so bad she could eat an apple through a fence.
30. I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
31. Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
32. Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
33. I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
34. Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
35. Your face makes onions cry.
36. Did I invite you to the barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?
37. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
38. You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
39. Grab a straw, because you suck.
40. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.


Best Roasts for Friends-

300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

A roast is an event where friends gather to pay humorous tribute to someone who has been honored or just needs some light-hearted ribbing. It’s a great way to show off your wit and poke fun at people you care about. Roasts are often given by comedians, but can also be delivered by other types of public speakers, such as politicians or sports stars. The best roasts for friends are those that make them laugh and feel loved. You can roast your friend with love, but it’s important not to go too far with your jokes.

1. You make your happy meal cry.
2. You love to act stupid. I know because I live with you, you’re naturally way dumber than that.
3. The only way you’d get hurt from doing exercise would be if you sprained your finger while changing the channel.
4. Some might call you a smart ass, others a dumb ass; I say you’re just an ass.
6. You’re such a momma’s boy, but newsflash, that makes you a son, not a Sun, so stop thinking the earth revolves around you.
7. Accidents happen; the proof is sitting right there.
8. You’re so irritating you should come with a warning label.
9. Everyone is entitled to one, but yours is always the incorrect opinion.
10. Whenever you open your mouth, it’s like, ‘Woah, somebody took too many drugs this morning.’
11. Every day I hope you get your chapstick confused with a glue stick so I can get a bit of peace and quiet.
12. You’re like the human version of an athlete’s foot – annoying and hard to get rid of.
13. We’ve been best friends a long time, but you’re the reason they put external use only on shampoo bottles.

14. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait!
15. You’re not that ugly, I guess. I mean, my middle finger gets a boner every time it sees you!

16. Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just comes out of your mouth?
17. I bet I could remove 90% of your good looks with a moist towelette.

18. Aha! I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
19. I’m so sorry if my brutal honesty inconvenienced your overinflated sense of self.
20. It’s not that I don’t listen to you when you talk. It’s just that there is only so much stupid information I can process in one go.
21. I’m not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the world revolves around the sun and not you.
22. You might look attractive, but I’d have to put a paper bag over that personality.
23. We were going to roast you, but apparently, it’s not good for the environment to burn trash.
24. You are even more useless than the ‘ueue’ in the queue.
25. I would call you an idiot, but that would be a horrible insult to stupid people everywhere.
26. Have you ever tried putting makeup on your toast to try and make your personality prettier?
27. Walls may have ears, but count yourself lucky they don’t have mouths because all they would do is laugh at you.
28. If laughter is the best medicine, your face might very well be a cure for cancer!
29. I think I found your purpose in life… to be an organ donor.
30. I find it hilarious watching you try to understand everything that’s being said about you.
31. I’m not saying you’re dumb but a glowstick has a brighter future than you do.
32. might be fully vaccinated but I’m still not going to hang out with you.
33. The real heroes in this world are the ones who live with you.
34. You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family!
35. You tried hard there, so I’m going to give you a participation award.
36. Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.
37. The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.
38. If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.
39. You were so happy about the negativity of your Covid test, we didn’t want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was an IQ test.
40. Aha! I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.


Best Roasts For your Ex-

300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

Roasting is a type of insult comedy that is often used as a form of verbal abuse. In the past, roasts were usually performed by individuals, but recently they have also been performed by groups. This article aims to provide you with some truly remarkable best roasts for exes.

1. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think your brain might be missing.
2. You look 100 percent better when I can’t see you.
3. Waiting for you is like waiting for the rain in this drought: useless and disappointing.
4. You were fake. It was great. Nothing personal.
5. Crying after a breakup — ain’t no one got time for that.
6. I don’t make mistakes, I date them.
7. Ex means thanks for the EXperience, our time has Expired, now Exit my life.
8. Yes, I’m smiling but you’re not the reason anymore.
9. Good luck finding someone who will put up with your bulls*** as well as I did.
10. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Sometimes you look at your ex and wondered why!
11. I’m not really a b**. I just play one in your life.
12. My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
13. Do you get whiplash watching me surpass you in every way?
14. So we’re breaking up, but still can be friends? Tell me more about how our new friendship could work.
15. I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.
16. You might still want me but you’ll have to get in line.
17. I love the sound you make when you shut up.
18. Oh sorry, was I supposed to be offended?
19. I’ve been called worse… your girlfriend.
20. Literally all I hear is “blah, blah, blah”.
21. You must have mistaken me for someone who gives a sh*t.
22. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from meeting you.
23. I didn’t love you. I just said it because I didn’t have anything else to say.
24. I wish we broke up sooner.
25. Thank you for showing me everything I don’t want in a man.
26. You’re the biggest disappointment of my life.
27. I hope I never have to see you again.
28. I don’t have time to hate you but you deserve to be hated.
29. I’m glad I didn’t cry over you.
30. Too bad you can’t buy a personality.
31. When I look at you now I wonder was I drank the entire relationship.
32. I’m no cactus expert but I know a prick when I see one.
33. At least God loves you.
34. It’s scary to think people like you are allowed to vote.
35. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
36. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice.
37. I feel so sorry for your parents.
38. I should never have lowered my standards for you.
39. What I like best about our relationship is that it doesn’t exist anymore.
40. Hahahaha sorry, just thinking about how I used to date you.


 Best Roasts For Bullies-

300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

Some people are just too mean for their own good. There is a time and place for everything. But bullying someone is never cool. You might think it’s funny, but you don’t know what that person is going through.

1. “I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?”
2. “If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up to your ass.”
3. “You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?”
4. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.:
5. “I know I’m talking like a jerk, but isn’t that the only way you could understand what I’m saying?”
6. “If laughter is the best medicine in the world, your face is a blessing to the world because it can cure all diseases.”
7. “Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth.”
8. “If you’re waiting for me to start care, I hope you brought something for eating because it’s gonna be a long time.”
9. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I suppose that is something that it’s very hard to pronounce.”
10. “I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege.”
11. “I’m really jealous of all the people who have never met you.”
12. “You and Monday are really similar — nobody likes you.”
13. “There are some really dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.”
14. “If ignorance is really bliss, you must be the happiest person in the world.”
15. “Good story bro, but in what part do you shut the fuck up?”
16. “Please, don’t stop, keep talking. I only yawn when I’m super intrigued.”
17. “Whenever I see your face, I’m reminded that God has a great sense of humor.”
18. “You bring me so much joy and happiness — every single time you leave the room.”
19. “I think I might have Alzheimer’s because I can’t remember when was the last time I asked for your opinion.”
20. “Your lips keep moving, but all I can hear is “blah, blah, blah…”
21. “Wipe your mouth, there’s a little bit of bullshit around your lips. “
22. “Check your face, please. I think I just found your nose in my business.”
23. Stupidity’s not a crime, so feel free to go.
24. Please, keep talking. I only yawn when I’m super fascinated.
25. Please, save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.
26. It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
27. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.
28. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
29. I was hoping for a battle of wits but it would be wrong to attack someone who’s totally unarmed.
30. I don’t think you’re unintelligent. You just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
31. You’re not as bad as people say. You’re a whole lot worse.
32. It looks like your face caught on fire and somebody tried to extinguish it with a hammer.
33. There is only one problem with your face: I can see it.
34. It’s great to see how you don’t let your education get in the way of your ignorance.
35. If I ever said anything to offend you, it was purely intentional.
36. You look like something that I would draw with my left hand.
37. You’ve got a face that could turn fresh milk sour.
38. You’d need twice the brains to qualify as a half-wit.
39. You have the face of a saint. A Saint Bernard, that is.
40. Let’s go to the zoo. I’ve always wanted to meet your family.


Best Roasts For Toxic people-

300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

1. Thanks, but I function better without unsolicited advice.
2. What’s your point?
3. Wow, what a strange thing to say!
4. Remember when I asked for your opinion. Me neither!
5. Getting in an argument with you is like getting arrested. Everything I say, can and will be used against me.
6. I’m sorry but I didn’t order a glass of your opinion.
7. Life’s too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.
8. I didn’t realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it. Continue while I take notes.
9. Before you start pointing fingers make sure your hands are clean.

10. Don’t worry, keep trying! Maybe someday you will make sense and say something intelligent.
11. I need you to respect my boundaries if you have anything to say to me you can say it in private.
12. No means no, now let it go.
13. Your comments about X are not acceptable.
14. Please don’t ask me again. I told you last time that I don’t feel comfortable with X.
15. I will not tolerate any disrespect from you or anyone else.
16. I’m sorry you got offended that one time you were treated the way you treat everyone all the time.
17. I know, I know, I stood up for myself, I’m so mean.
18. WHAT part of NO don’t you understand?
19. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to ignore it.
20. Saying yes to happiness means learning to say no to people who stress you out.
22. It’s so funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to say.
23. While you were busy judging others, you left your closet door open and a lot of your skeletons fell out.
24. You don’t like me? That’s a shame. I’ll pencil in some time to cry about it later. Right now, I’m busy enjoying my life.
25. Before you judge my life, I suggest you take a good look at your own life.
26. Before you judge me, make sure you’re perfect.
27. If God has a problem with the way I live, let him tell me not you.
28. Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome…. not perfect.
29. When you judge another you do not define them, it defines who you are.
30. You’re the stereotype of someone always complaining about stereotypes.
31. Don’t judge my path if you haven’t walked my journey.
32. Wow, that almost hurt my feelings.
33. If you can’t be kind, be quiet.
34. OK, that’s enough sarcasm for one day.
35. What you said was mean-spirited and untrue.
36. If your goal was to be hurtful, mission accomplished.
37. It’s not okay for you to comment on X.
38. Do you always mask insults with humor?
39. You realize you said that out loud, right?
40. I don’t know how to say this nicely, so I won’t.


Best Roasts For Rude Strangers-

300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

1. Did you mean to be so rude?
2. I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
3. You would be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.
4. I wish I could put some people on mute.
5. Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?
6. You would argue with a fence post.
7. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
8. Really, you know what that sounds like? Not my problem!
9. Try being informed instead of being opinionated.
10. Thanks but no one wants to hear your life experiences here!
11. Maybe you should get your own life and stop interfering in mine.
12. Next time I need an unsolicited and uninformed opinion I will know where to go.
13. If you’re not feeding me, F&#%ing me, or putting the roof over my head, it’s really none of your business.
14. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.
15. My life, my mistakes, my choices. Not your business!
16. My business isn’t your business. Unless you’re my thong, don’t be up to my ass.
17. If you are going to have opinions about my life then I can assume you will be paying some of my bills.
18. You must have everything in your life figured out because you obviously have time to meddle in mine.
19. It’s never too late to shut up and mind your own business.
20. You can tell whose miserable in their own life because they have nothing better to do than meddle in yours!
21. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
22. Since you know it all, you should know when to be quiet.
23. You would argue with a fence post.
24. Being right isn’t nearly as important as knowing when to be quiet.
25. Try being informed instead of being opinionated.
26. Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not a truth.
27. Open your mind not your mouth.
28. I didn’t realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it! Continue while I take notes.
29. Since you know everything, then you know you’re being a jerk.
30. Rather than us agreeing to disagree why don’t you just be quiet.
31. I may not be perfect but at least I am not you.
32. The only thing wrong with me is I’m talking to you.
33. I don’t base my decisions on advice from people who don’t have to deal with the results.
34. I didn’t realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it! Continue well I take notes.
35. Don’t judge a situation you’ve never been in.
36. Thanks, but I’m an expert in my life.
37. I must have Alzheimer’s because I don’t recall asking for your opinion.
38. Maturing means everything doesn’t require your comment.
39. You’re the stereotype of someone always complaining about stereotypes.


Best Roasts For Haters-

300+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More

1. Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata.
2. You are like a software update. every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.
3. When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?
4. You are the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles.
5. I think you just need a high five… in the face… with a chair.
6. When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there.
7. I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of evolution.
8. It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of a Chapstick.
9. Yes, I’m fully vaccinated, but I will still not hang out with you.
10. When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I’m just giving myself a head start.
11. You are the reason why God is not talking to us anymore.
12. You can’t imagine how much happiness you can bring… by leaving the room.
13. I know you don’t like me, that says a lot. You need to acquire a better taste.
14. It’s all about balance… you start talking, I stop listening.
15. Are you talking to me? I thought you only talk behind my back.
16. I’m sorry… did my back hurt your knife?
17. Everyone is allowed to act stupid once, but you… you are abusing that privilege.
18. Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it.
19. Ola soy Dora. Can you help me find where we asked?
20. Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I’m sorry for it.
21. Earth is full. Go home.
22. Everyone has a purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor.
23. I am jealous of people who didn’t meet you.
24. Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
25. You didn’t change since the last time I saw you. You should.
26. What is wrong with you? Have you had too many drugs in a mental hospital today?
27. It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
28. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do… but it’s still on the list.
29. Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?
30. Let me tell you. If I don’t answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?
31. I am not ignoring you; I am just giving you time to understand what you just said.
32. Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you are proving me wrong.
33. Where is your off button?
34. All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.
35. I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there.
36. I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon.
37. When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.
38. You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.
39. God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind
40. Remember, if anyone says you’re beautiful, it’s all lies.



We hope you enjoyed reading our article on the best roasts for friends, enemies, ex, and more. We have provided a list of some of the most memorable and well-written roasts that we could find. We hope you found them to be as entertaining as we did! Stay tuned for our future articles and Thanks for reading!

Jasmine Kaur

Hi, I'm Jasmine Kaur, a 21 years old girl who is much passionate about exploring new things in diurnal life that can provide divergent knowledge. An escapist who specializes mainly in entertainment and tech (social tech) content and aims to offer you some quality content to clear all your doubts.

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